Can something be both smart and dumb? It sounds like a philosophical question, but I’m talking about smart devices that really didn’t need that connectivity. I’m not being a Luddite here — most smart things do add very useful functionality to the device. It’s a sliding scale, though. The smartphone changed society as we know it, a smartwatch has a lot of handy uses, and a smart thermostat can make your day 1% more convenient. But it eventually becomes diminishing returns as we attempt to make everything smart, to the point at which it’s almost entirely profiting off novelty.
Which smart devices really are a waste of circuitry? I’ve got several contenders.
- Smart egg tray
When it comes to smart home devices for the kitchen, we have to draw a line somewhere. The cooking appliances are fair enough. Even the smart fridge that can advise you of everything you do and don’t have in stock is arguable. The Quirky Egg Minder, in my opinion, is a smart-step too far.
There might be a smart egg tray in the future that could change my mind. Perhaps one that keeps eggs fresh or boils them while you’re getting ready for work. The Quirky device does none of that. The extent of the smart functionality is based on reminding you how many eggs it’s holding and when you put them there. The Amazon description says that it can “tell you when they’re going bad,” but it’s not that clever; all it can do is send you a notification about which eggs have been there the longest. Having a reasonable memory or a note in your phone does the same thing, and eating your eggs in a timely manner renders it all but pointless.
- Smart belt
You never know how far the tech manufacturers can push wearables and still gain traction with the public. For example, I thought smart rings would be too niche to catch on, but they’re all the rage in 2024. However, given the failure of the Welt smart belt to make it to the mainstream, I think we finally know where people have decided they don’t need more smart clothing. I’ll put my smart suspenders idea on hold.
If you just take a guess at what a smart belt might do, you’d probably be pretty close to the functionality of the Welt. One key feature is that it can tell you your waist size — something the loss or reclaim of a traditional belt notch has done for us for centuries. But wait, there’s more. It also tracks your step count and how long you’ve been sitting down. I guess we’ll never know why this connected accessory never really took off.
- Smart toaster
Fans of the old space sitcom Red Darf will be disappointed that the Toasteroid won’t engage you in high-level conversations.
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